Joe felt great being back at school with his friends, Todd and Sarah. They sat together as the college counselor addressed the sophomore class. “Your grades these next two years mean everything. And don’t forget extra-curricular activities and community service. Now’s the time to do whatever you can to increase your chances for college admission.” Joe was more interested in increasing his chances with that new girl in front when he heard Todd say, “I’m thinking of dropping AP chemistry. It’ll screw up my GPA.”
“Don’t!” said Sarah. “The schools I visited said to take as many AP classes as possible.”
“You’ve visited colleges?” Joe asked.
“Over the summer.”
“Didn’t you?” asked Todd.
Before Joe could answer, his friends lobbed questions back and forth: “What’s your top choice?” “Signed up for SAT prep?” “Know what you’re writing your essay on?”
Joe’s mind started spinning: “ … AP classes, SATs, ACTs, college essays … I thought I had plenty of time to worry about all that!” Joe’s heart pounded and his stomach hurt. It was like a race had started without him and everyone else was already way ahead.
THE STRESS RESPONSE
Joe’s experiencing a full-tilt stress response, complete with increased circulation and pumping adrenaline.
We’ve all been through it. Whether you call it “being pressed,” “stressing out,” having a “panic attack” or something else, we all encounter situations that cause anxiety.
Not all stress is bad. Sometimes you can channel the energy from being stressed into something positive. For example, it’s normal and probably good to have a little bit of stress in preparing for a test if it motivates you and helps you to concentrate on what you need to study.
Unfortunately, too many students have excessive and unhealthy stress when it comes to preparing for and applying to colleges. The good news is that, with some changes in your thoughts, you can drastically reduce your stress level. You’ll feel better and have a better balance in your life – and you can do this without hurting your chances of getting into the colleges you desire (and maybe even improve your chances!)
One of the keys is not to stress about stuff that isn’t actually happening yet. It’s called anticipatory stress (more commonly known as worrying) and that’s Joe’s problem at the moment. He’s stressing about the grades he’ll have to get on exams he hasn’t taken yet to get into colleges he can’t name because he hasn’t started researching schools. Worrying and stressing about these things won’t help Joe at all. But, if he doesn’t begin preparing, how can he get into a good college? Should Joe prepare? Of course. But does he need to stress out? No.
Bodies can easily take the impact of short-term stress, but long-term stress can cause all sorts of health problems (including ulcers and coronary disease). Most teens don’t have these health issues because symptoms often take decades to show up. But you’ve probably experienced some stress-related stomachaches, sleep problems or irritability, right? And here’s something else you should know: when you’re stressed, you can’t think clearly!
It’s never too early to learn how to deal with stress in healthy ways. Managing it now will help keep you in good shape throughout your life. Going through the college admission process is a good place to start some stress-reducing techniques.
To stay healthy and think clearly, you’ve got to know the difference between the “life-or-death” situations and the day-to-day stuff. Keep the normal frustrations and disappointments in perspective and you’ll be healthier and able to think more clearly about what’s going on and what you can do about it.
COPING WITH STRESS
You may think “‘Don’t stress the college thing’ sounds like good advice, but if I let up for a minute, everyone will get ahead of me. Then my parents will be on my back and there’ll be lots more stress!”
Is there a way to stay with the program but not stress about it? Yes. Challenging? You bet! You want to get into the best school possible. Competition can be rough. Your friends are stressing and that increases your stress. Add to this the pressure from parents and teachers and the message blasting from all sides: “To be a success, get into a top-tier school. Then you have a shot at the big bucks jobs and the ‘perfect’ life. If you don’t get in, you’re a total loser and …”
Hey, quit it! You’re stressing yourself out when you buy into that. Relax and let’s take a look at what you can control and can’t control about the college process.
PLANNING FOR COLLEGE: WHAT ARE THE STRESSORS?
When you think about college, here are some things that might already be stressing you out:
- Grades
- Having enough extracurricular and community activities
- Competition
- Pressure from parents
- Standardized tests
- Researching colleges
- Applications
- Money
- Wondering if you’ll get in and fit in
- Separation from friends
- Leaving home.
Some good advice: You can control many things in this process, and some things you can’t. Figure out which are which, and then stop stressing out over things you can’t control. For those things you can control, figure out what steps to take to minimize stress.
WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL
When it comes to college, you can’t control:
- The questions on the SATs and ACTs
- The admissions process (e.g., what some admission committee will decide regarding your application)
- Tuition
- Scholarship awards
- Your parents’ expectations
- Where your friends get accepted
What you CAN control
Throughout high school, you can control:
Your effort.
You can do your best, and that’s all you can do. You can get help from teachers when you need it so academic stress doesn’t build to crisis levels.
Your schedule.
You can choose to create more balance in your life. Know your limits and give yourself permission to not do everything. You work hard and deserve time for breaks. The high school experience is important; don’t get involved in so many activities that you can’t enjoy the experience! Sleep’s important, too. And schedule time to be on your own, relaxing. Do that regularly and you’re better able to handle stress.
Your research about colleges.
You can get information from your counselor, the Internet and the library. Colleges often provide names of local alumni to talk to.
Mary Ellen Anderson, Director of Admissions at Indiana University, encourages students to “Take the time to do the research.” It will make you a more informed applicant. If possible, visit colleges. Even if you don’t end up applying there, you can learn a lot walking around a campus. Take a tour. Talk with students. Anderson advises that you take it all in then ask yourself, “Can I see myself here?”
Your parents.
You can remind them that you’re the one going to college and that you’re doing your research. Bring them the information you find and discuss the pros and cons of each school. If there’s a disagreement between what you want and what they want for you, listen to what they have to say. State your thoughts and feelings. If they’re worried about your grades, etc. remind them that stress only makes things worse.
Your list of schools.
When you know what you want and need, you can pick schools that are a good match for you. Factor in location, size, diversity, course requirements, special academic areas, on-campus sports, etc. Marty O’Connell, Dean of Admissions at McDaniel College, believes it helps your overall attitude and stress levels to realize that, “There is a college choice for everyone and (students) need to trust their instincts as they make their way through the process.”
Above all, realize that getting into any particular school is not the key to your success in life. Even as you start narrowing your list, don’t get too narrow. “Don’t assume there is only one college out there that can serve you well,” warns Brand Stille, Wofford College’s Director of Admissions. “For the large majority of students, there are lots of college choices that can meet your needs academically while providing a positive, well-rounded college experience.”
FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD…
When you’re actually in the application process, you’ll be dealing with new stressors. As challenging as they may be, there are still things you can control.
Standardized tests:
You can get very good, practical how-to advice from test guides.
When you take the test you can choose to breathe, focus, and not let stress hijack your brain.
The applications:
You can organize the essay questions, schedule blocks of time for writing, and then follow the schedule.
Your attitude:
You can have a positive attitude about what you’ll bring to your future college. And because you want to be happy at that future college, it should be a good match for you. (Remind yourself that you’re also choosing them.)
So relax as you begin to look toward this next chapter of your life; whatever it might be and wherever it might take you, it’s going to be an adventure. Do your best, and enjoy the ride!
Ruth Kirschner and Annie Fox, M.Ed. are co-authors of “Too Stressed to Think? A teen guide to staying sane when life makes you CRAZY” (Free Spirit, 2005).
